Peace On Earth?

This holiday season has been different for us than any other year.

 

Thanksgiving is routinely spent traveling to see extended family and returning home late at night exhausted and grumpy.

 

This year, due to John's impending birth, we stayed home. 

 

We decided to spend the day preparing a meal together (all the kids were involved), listening to our Thanksgiving CD: "A Time To Remember" that tells of the very first Thanksgiving (it's a tradition we listen to it in the van as we travel on Thanksgiving Day), and truly giving thanks.

 

Several of the kids were heard saying, "This is the BEST Thanksgiving EVER!"

 

Eva made a homemade coconut pie...

here, she's cleaning up from making the crust

 

Silas helped clean up the flour that Eva dropped :)

 

Kedesh helped Nathan stir the vanilla pudding 

 Several of the kids helped set the table

with our good china, crystal glasses, and utensils

 

 Isaiah wanted to prepare the jellied cranberry sauce (his favorite)...

but Eva had to make sure he made accurate cuts :)

 

 Then, he was released to try it himself...

under the watchful eye of his perfectionist sister

 

 Caleb prepared the macaroni, and loved on his little sister

 

Samuel helped with the fruit salad...

and later enjoyed his food with a thankful heart

 

 Everything set up buffet-style on the counter

 

 Eva cutting the bread

 

Elijah prepared the corn on the cob,

and was a super helper washing dishes along the way

 

 Nathan getting his plate...teenage boys eat a BUNCH

 

 Kedesh didn't get a tall, crystal tea glass...

but she got a dainty coffee cup instead :)

 

 Yes, Isaiah DID eat all that he put on his plate...

 

Sitting down together...cloth napkins in our laps...

special occasions make special memories

 

Of course, they missed playing with cousins and seeing other family members.  But, we all really liked just being able to be home and spending unrushed time together.

 

The day after Thanksgiving, we took down Thanksgiving decorations, cleaned the house, and put up ALL of our Christmas decorations.  The following day, we wrapped most of our Christmas gifts. 

 

I was determined to get "everything done", so we could really enjoy Christmas this year.  

 

Have I mentioned that I really despise the hustle and bustle of Christmas every year?  I always seem to get to January and realize that I am a cynical ball of nerves.  Uggghhh!  I wanted this year to be different...

 

The December calendar was virtually cleared...a newborn affords the perfect excuse to step away for a bit.  :)

 

And, then...just a few days later, John was born.

 

Gregg has been home...rainy days have forced us to stay inside more than usual.  Nathan keeps a cozy fire burning...

 

There seems to be PEACE ON EARTH. 

 

At least within the security of our home.

 

The truth is...outside our home, a war still wages. 

 

Bitterness seems to reign.

 

Misunderstandings...

 

Fake smiles...

 

Words mumbled under our breath...

 

Gifts are given grudgingly and sometimes even selfishly...

 

Tension is high...

 

And Christ is little more than a name we mumble at the church's Christmas Eve service.

 

In many ways, it's the hardest time of the year.  It's the time of year when past hurts rear their ugly heads and threaten to choke the life out of you.  When you can't bear the thought of biting your tongue one more time...but you DO...so there will be PEACE ON EARTH.  

 

Normally, no matter how hard I try, Christmas depresses me more than it encourages me.  It's so hard to focus on Christ and all that He did for us...when our focus is on STUFF.

 

Meaningless, we-don't-need-this gift, we've got to get this person something, run-around to make this party, appease this person, STUFF.

 

Please don't misunderstand...I LOVE giving gifts. 

 

Gregg and I don't buy our children a lot of things during the year.  Christmas is the one time of the year we allow ourselves to splurge a little, and we LOVE giving them good gifts. 

 

The part I DON'T like is coming up with lists for grandparents and coming up with expensive gifts for extended family when they actually complain that you didn't get them something else.  Or they want to know, "What did you spend on this?  Was it the same as we spent on you?" 

 

Really??  I'm sorry.  I forgot, momentarily, that Christmas was about STUFF.

 

Gregg and I have actually been told that we "keep having more young'uns so we can get more Christmas gifts."  WOW!  We must be REALLY SHORTSIGHTED if that's the case.  Because no amount of battery-powered JUNK could make up for the work and responsibility it will take to nurture, train, and care for a human being for 18+ years. (Talk about a demeaning and hurtful misunderstanding!)

 

Ironically, we've even suggested that we not exchange gifts at all so others wouldn't be burdened with buying for such a large family...and we get that "deer in the headlights", "are you crazy?", "what would Christmas BE if we didn't exchange gifts?", "you're just being cheap" look...

 

Misunderstanding after depressing misunderstanding.

 

So...each year, I try to get past the muck and see PEACE ON EARTH.  

 

And, honestly, I don't do very well at it.  I hate that about me.

 

I'm quick to hold a grudge, quick to get my feelings hurt, quick to replay a conversation over in my head and hear all the insinuations there...

 

I'm quick to wish extended family would be different, quick to miss what I think life should be like, quick to see the negative...

 

And slow to see the good.

 

This year, the timing of John's birth has, no doubt, been from the hand of God.  This little guy has forced me to slow down...to cherish what's more important...to sense the peace I so often let slip away.

 

In his birth blog, I mentioned listening to a Casting Crowns Christmas CD.  It has become my favorite arrangement of songs this year.  The first song on the CD is the one I heard while preparing to give birth to John.

 

"I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day"

 

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play
And mild and sweet their songs repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men

And the bells are ringing
Like a choir they're singing
In my heart I hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men

And in despair I bowed my head
There is no peace on earth I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men

But the bells are ringing
Like a choir singing
Does anybody hear them?
Peace on earth, good will to men

Then rang the bells more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men

Then ringing singing on its way

The world revolved from night to day
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men

And the bells they're ringing
Like a choir they're singing
And with our hearts we'll hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men

Do you hear the bells they're ringing?
The life the angels singing
Open up your heart and hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men

Peace on earth, Peace on earth
Peace on earth, Good will to men

 

Music has such power to stir emotion, elicit thought, and to impart a new perspective.

 

This song has become my anthem this Christmas season.  The following video is Casting Crowns' lead singer, Mark Hall, sharing the story behind the song - which makes it even more meaningful for me.

 

The writer of this song found himself in the middle of a trying time in history - the Civil War.  When the Christmas bells were ringing with the sound of Peace On Earth, it didn't FEEL like there was peace on Earth.  The writer contemplates this and ultimately comes to the conclusion that, with Christ in our hearts, there is Peace on Earth - where He is. 

 

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men"

 

This Christmas, when it doesn't FEEL like a celebration...when it doesn't FEEL like there is PEACE...when family relations are strained...and meaningless STUFF abounds...

 

I will hear the bells on Christmas Day.  I will hear them ringing that "God is not dead, nor doth He sleep."

 

I will do my best to spend time with the Savior and not to simply go through the motions for another year...

 

I will do my best to put away my fake smile and put on a real smile - because I will hear the bells on Christmas Day...

 

And I will know that there is

 

PEACE ON EARTH.

 Be sure to listen to the end, past the song.  Mark sums it up well.

THAT MOMENT...

Every mother has a story to tell.

The story of when she first met her child face-to-face. 

Whether she is describing giving physical birth to a biological child...

Or laying her eyes, for the first time, on the child she will one day adopt...

She has become a mother.

And she has a miracle to share.

I've experienced 9 such miracles...all very different...all etched in my memory like so many beautiful, priceless pearls.

Today, I share my most recent miracle story...

The birth of my son, John Abram.

John - meaning "God has been gracious"
Abram - meaning "Father is exalted"

Like many mothers, I had been waiting - not so patiently - for the pending arrival of this newest little bundle.  Restless nights and a waddling gait indicated that it really couldn't be much longer...

On the evening of December 3rd, I found myself more restless than usual.  Although I had apparently stopped my "nesting" tendencies a few weeks prior, that night I felt a need to stay up late and finish a few projects.

I found myself finishing a sewing project just after midnight...and I was tired, but my mind didn't want to sleep.  The house was that all-too-rare quiet and calm, and I sensed a need to relish it. 

I then found myself on the computer, catching up with long-overdue replies to messages and emails, and even perusing several blogs and Facebook.

I distinctly remember thinking to myself, around 2 am, "I really need to get in bed!  Here I am, staying up late, and now I'll probably go into labor exhausted.  What am I thinking?!?!" 

So, I went to bed...And, still, I lay in bed with my mind very much awake.  I counted kicks of my tiny unborn child until I finally fell asleep.  I saw 2:39 on the clock...then was up just after 3:30...and again at 4:30ish.  I didn't know why...just restless...a need to use the bathroom - AGAIN - I guessed.

At the 4:30ish mark I noticed contractions. This was nothing new - I'd had so many Braxton Hicks contractions up to this point in my pregnancy, I was sure I'd miss them like an old friend after Baby was born.  But, I timed them anyway. 

They were 6 minutes apart.

At around 5:00am, one of the contractions felt different...and then a crippling cramp in my abdomen grabbed my attention for good.  As the cramp subsided, I felt that familiar "Oh my goodness!  I think I might actually be in labor!!"

A perfect mixture of excitement and sheer terror.

By this time, Gregg had awakened and was timing along with me.  Still, roughly every 6 minutes...45-90 seconds in length. 

For any normal woman...it was time to start seeking labor/delivery assistance. 

But, I'm not normal. 

So, I lay there saying things like "they (the contractions) don't really hurt that bad", "maybe I should drink more water", "should I call Susan?", "one more contraction and we'll call"....

I called my midwife, Susan, at 6:30am.  She answered with "Hey, Olivia.  Is it time?"...and I could hear her smile on the other end of the line.

And, just like that...HERE WE GO!! 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 4TH, 2013...

Obviously, early labor...what a lovely last pregnancy pic

 but, sadly, it didn't occur to me to take more pics at the time,
so it's the only one I have. :(

 

I felt a little like I was in a daze. 

 

Gregg was getting breakfast and getting the older kids prepared for their school day.  And shortly afterward, he had enlisted help from our very eager younger children to fill the birthing tub.

 

 

The assistant midwife, Rhonda, arrived in what felt like minutes (but was really about an hour later).  She listened to Baby's heartbeat and checked my vitals, then immediately and quietly busied herself with setting up everything as it needed to be for a home delivery.  We decided to wait until Susan arrived to check for dilation.

 

Susan arrived shortly after (she had further to drive) - with sweet words of excitement and reassurance.  I was dilated 4-5 cm...which, essentially, for me, means NOTHING besides the fact that I'm dilated 4-5 cm.  

 

We had  originally decided to arrange the birthing tub in our sunroom, but in the last week decided on something completely different from our normal Christmas decoration set up.  We decided to move furniture and put our Christmas tree in the alcove of what is normally our dining room.  We planned to place the birthing tub at the base of the Christmas tree in the glow of its twinkling lights.  It was Gregg's idea...and I LOVED it.

 

So, when Susan walked in and saw the new arrangement - with the little ones filling the tub in front of the Christmas tree - her face lit up and she said, "How neat!  HOW NEAT! I don't think I've ever delivered a baby under a Christmas tree before!"  It made me smile... 

 

And what was I doing while all this was going on? 

Me...I was trying to take it all in, but also doubting myself.  I even said, "What if I eat breakfast and the contractions STOP?"  I wasn't experiencing any real pain - just some discomfort.  I knew, from my personal experience, that hard labor could begin at any minute...but WHEN?  I still wasn't completely convinced that I was truly in labor. I had taken a shower, dressed comfortably, eaten a small breakfast, cancelled 2 appointments we had for later that day, and I had also made phone calls to my mother and my dear friend (who is very much like a mother to me).  They both planned to arrive in time to hear Baby's first cry.  What if I called them and it was FALSE LABOR?  I was intent on listening, the best I could, to the rhythms of my body. 

 

It was around 8:30am, I think.

 

And here's where things get pretty boring...contractions were still just six minutes apart (sometimes a little closer or further apart, but about the same)...for HOURS.

 

Gregg and I decided to take a walk together.  It was a misty, dreary, cool December morning and we walked the road just outside our home.  Hand in hand, I will remember this time with just the two of us fondly.  I needed to get out of the house...I needed to breathe.  I needed to be alone with my husband.

 

Still, 6 minutes apart...

 

My "adoptive mother" arrived from her 3+ hour drive, and I called my mother to tell her to stay at work.  Nothing happening...

 

Susan and Rhonda left for a couple hours (but stayed close by) to give us some private time and to grab a bite for lunch. 

 

Gregg and I walked some more...Susan and Rhonda were back...kids finished schoolwork...more walking.

 

At 3:00pm...we were just coming in from walking and still not much was changing.  I thought, "I'm not even going to have this baby today.  Poor Susan and Rhonda...they will be exhausted!" 

 

Still dilated about 5 cm. 

 

I felt frustrated, and Susan sensed this.  Baby was still not very "low" so Susan had suggested several exercises and position changes to try to position Baby better.  Some had seemed to help bring stronger, more consistent contractions.  At around 3:15 or 3:30, Susan suggested we try a few other natural techniques to help me relax and help facilitate labor. 

 

Was I uptight??  Uhhh...apparently...because with these suggested techniques, it was like my body just switched into high gear.

 

At just after 4:00pm, there was an audible "pop" and Baby's position had definitely changed.  My water had broken...and just like that, contractions were coming much quicker and much stronger. 

 

Still about 5 cm dilated...which, for my body, really meant nothing...

 

Gregg called my mother and told her to head this way quickly as things were definitely "picking up". 

 

Obviously, I was no longer in doubt that this was the real deal. 

Time to focus...time to get serious with the work at hand...

 

With about the next 3-4 contractions or so, I remember Susan and Rhonda checking Baby's heartbeat, checking my vitals, and helping me get ready to get into the birthing tub.  I also began to feel nauseated.  I always feel nauseated when I reach the part of labor referred to as Transition...so I knew that I must be suddenly, but surely, nearing full dilation.

By my best recollection, and based on the timing of some of the photos we took, I was able to get into the birthing tub just after 4:30pm.

A small CD player nearby was playing Casting Crowns' "Peace On Earth" Christmas album.

A dreary afternoon accented the white Christmas lights and candles on the mantle and piano...and the colored lights of the Christmas tree. 

I made a point to try to capture the picture in my mind so it would stay with me for the rest of my life. I will never listen to Casting Crowns' Christmas CD without recollecting the birth of John. 

Upon entering the warm water of the tub, I felt relief and comfort. 

Not much longer now.

Rhonda added a little cool water to the tub, and then a contraction hit me hard.  I remember Gregg and Eva snapping some pictures, and I sent for everyone to come, because I knew it could only be a matter of minutes.

Things seemed to be moving in a sudden rush.  I was self-absorbed, teetering between "I can't do this!" and "I HAVE to do this!" 

Susan and Rhonda were getting ready to check vitals and check for dilation when I felt, quite certainly, Baby was coming.

Not everyone was with me...the kids were in the back of the house...my mother had not arrived...but there was no waiting...

Susan was trying to get her water birth gloves on when the contraction I was having told EVERY. FIBER. OF. MY. BODY. to push this precious baby out.  (I think I had 2 contractions after entering the tub.  Maybe 3.)

So, with adrenaline coursing through my veins, and an insatiable desire to meet my little one...I pushed with all my might...

And, with that, Susan turned and saw Baby's head, and immediately did all the necessary things a competent midwife does to insure Mom and Baby's health.

Underneath the water, I saw my baby's tiny head covered with fine, dark hair...another push...another never-again-seen moment in time...tiny shoulders emerged...a final thrust...Baby's full body emerged into the calming, warm water...

I looked around me to see my children wide-eyed with wonder...they had made it - just in time.

Susan deftly picked up my little treasure from the depths of the water...and laid him on my chest.

Sheer relief mingled with unspeakable joy and wonder...face-to-face...

THAT MOMENT.

 

 

 

Following was a flurry of emotion and activity...

 

First order of business - Is it a boy or a girl?

 

It's a BOY!  And the kids want to know, "What is his name?"  (Gregg and I had decided to keep it a surprise for everyone.)  Gregg announces "His name is JOHN" - and everyone seems delighted.

 



Lots of snapshots and congratulations.  Snacks were eaten, dinner was being prepared...

 

Placenta was delivered,

 

Baby John was nursing like a little champ, 

 

I was relaxing - watching all the rounds of John's admirers grinning as they held him and listened to the click of the camera's shutter release.  

 

 

 

 

 

Susan's tender hands went over every inch of John's little body, and she spoke quietly and comfortingly about each detail.  Rhonda took notes on her iPad as Susan dictated.

 

John was weighed - 8 lb. 8 oz. (That was Mommy's guess!)

Head measurement - 14.5"   Length - 20.5"

Susan explaining all the little details

Gregg administering the Vitamin K injection

 

Me...I couldn't take my eyes off my little priceless treasure.  I couldn't get over his tiny fingers, his perfect nose, his beautiful little lips, his tender cry. 

 

More pictures...a meal eaten...bedtime routines...

 

Nanma holds John for the first time

 



Isaiah admiring John up close

 

 It didn't take long for Eva to earn the nickname "BH" - Baby Hog. 

She wants to hold him constantly.  :)

 

 John was cozy on his little heating pad...being examined

 

 Holding Daddy's hand

 

 Hand-in-hand with our lil' man

 

 Mommy and John

 

Susan has delivered 2 of our children -

Kedesh and John

 

 Beautiful are the hands and feet that serve...

Susan and John

 

Taken about 3 hours after John was born...

Susan and I pause to get a picture together with our

"Merry Christmas Gift"

 

 Rhonda, the assistant midwife, played a tremendous role

as she quietly served our family throughout labor and delivery

 

 Sam-I-Am couldn't wait to hold John "another time"

 

"Grand D" holding John and talking sweetly to him

 

"Eva, can I please hold my baby now?" :) 

 

Then, over and over in my head, I replayed the wonderment of the day's events...and that defining point in time when John was laid upon my chest for the first time...

 

THAT MOMENT.

 

 



I'm Worn

In August 2012, Tenth Avenue North released a song called "Worn". 

At times, the words of this song seem to be the exact words seeping from my heart.  I'll be in the van driving and crying as I sing along.   

Today, I have friends and family members who are struggling and feeling worn. 

I know that God is bigger than our trials, but sometimes I need a reminder.  This song reminds me that there is hope in Jesus Christ alone. 

Redemption wins. 

The struggle ends. 

Hearts are mended. 

A song can rise from the ashes of a broken life.

I have a few precious friends that have undoubtedly interceded on my behalf when I was too weak to lift my eyes to Him.  For those friends, I am eternally grateful. 

If you're reading this and you're feeling worn from the work it takes just to breathe and continue putting one foot in front of the other...take courage...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

And, I am praying for you now...that God's precious Spirit would give you a peace and draw you closer to Him than ever before. 

For how can we ever make it without Him?


          "Worn"

I’m tired
I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn

 

I love the imagery in this video...

of light and life renewed.

Mechanics 101

Two weekends ago, my guys were raking up piles...and piles...and piles of leaves from our yard.

Around here, we use our 1973 Chevy pickup (affectionately known as "The Blue Goose") to transport the leaves from our yard into the gully just beyond the back yard perimeter.

Just as they were unloading, Gregg noticed a quickly-forming puddle of liquid under the truck - antifreeze.

Now, I'm not a mechanical genius, but I can tell you that when antifreeze is running out of an engine like there is an open faucet, that is NOT a good sign!

Gregg and the older boys quickly rolled the truck into the shed and went to work trying to figure out what was wrong.

A freeze plug was corroded and leaking in a very bad way.  Don't ask me the details beyond that...but I can tell you that in order to "get to" the freeze plug to replace the < $1.00 part, it was going to require lifting the entire engine.

Bad news...

No engine lifting equipment...no experience...what are we going to do??

After asking around for a couple of days for advice from more-knowledgeable mechanics, my dear husband came up with a plan.

He and the boys would hoist the engine just enough to get to the plug - using an array of boards, jacks, and cement blocks.  (I was having serious scenarios of 1000+ lbs. of steel landing on one of my guys.  Not good!)  Gregg convinced me that is was completely safe, and I tried not to worry.

By Saturday, they had carefully created their contraption, hoisted the engine, and managed to free the tattered freeze plug.  Yay!!  (And, no injuries!!)

They managed to replace the plug and began putting the truck "back together again."  That required remounting the starter, the manifold, and the fuel pump...and, of course, remounting the engine as well.

Gregg and Caleb working from the top of the engine...

Nathan working from underneath.

In the course of this, the fuel pump was replaced incorrectly and the fuel pump push rod was bent EVER. SO. SLIGHTLY. 

The truck would not run.

At almost midnight this past Saturday night, and a YouTube video later (who says you can't find just about ANYTHING on YouTube??), Gregg was determined to be done with this project, so he began work correcting the fuel pump.  The bent push rod wouldn't budge - NO. MATTER. WHAT.

WHAT GIVES?!?!?!

So, for 2 days, they tried various ideas to remove the bent push rod.  Finally, Gregg came up with the idea of JB Welding a nut to the rod and creating some type of wooden contraption with a large bolt running through it - in hopes of pulling the bent rod out. 

I had no real concept of what he was describing to me in his plan...but, guess what?!?!  It worked!!

Last night, they managed to remove the bent rod and replace it with the new one we had ordered ($20).

And the truck runs like a champ!  Whew!!  We are all pretty excited. :) 

Total cost of the project was approximately $30.00 and about 40 hours of toil.

And the benefits included Gregg, Nathan, Caleb, Elijah, and Isaiah spending time together and learning some serious mechanics.  Even our 7 and 8 year olds were able to see how tiny hands can help in big ways!  We call that homeschooling at it's finest! ;)

And this Momma is praising God for an injury-free, low-cost, finished project! 

Mechanics 101...hopefully the last hands-on project for a while!

Baby Prep Randomness

Disclaimer:  This isn't one of my most organized posts...it seems a little scattered to me.  Kind of like my brain has been lately.  So, if you read this, don't judge my organization and writing skills too harshly.  It's the best I can do today.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions.  It has hit me that a tiny new member will be officially joining our family sometime in the next couple of weeks!  And, I'm not totally sure I'm ready!

I've been digging through storage to locate needed baby items, washing up tiny baby clothes, putting together my homebirth items, made some new burp cloths (see the fantastic tutorial I used to make them here) and some gauze swaddle blankets (see another super easy tutorial here).  (This site has such wonderful, easy tutorials for beginning sewing!!  If you're a beginner, like me, you've got to check it out - click on tutorials at the top and pick a project.  I've learned so much from Dana!)

I actually used some bathroom hand towels that we already had,

and I cut them up to use as the terry cloth side. 

It was easier than searching for terry cloth fabric! 

I bought the flannel as a small assortment

at Hobby Lobby and used my 40% coupon. 

So I think these are going to be worth it! 

We pulled out the bassinet and the baby swing to get it ready.  And, I searched for the bassinet bedding I bought with Kedesh (which I absolutely LOVED - long skirt, hood cover, soft inside padding...) for 4 DAYS...and I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I HAVE PUT IT!!  :(   ((Groan))  I'm so frustrated that I'm not more organized!!  After much lamenting, I ordered new bedding, and I'm in somewhat of a panic b/c it may not arrive until December...

To make myself feel better, I found an easy online tutorial for making bassinet sheets and made a couple of sheets with some fabric I already had on hand.  It'll be ok, right?

Last Saturday night I had a meltdown, partially because I didn't get to finish cleaning and organizing one of the kids' closets.  When Gregg said, "It's okay!  It's not that important!"  I openly wept...how could he think it wasn't important??!!??!!

Can you say "hormonal" and "nesting"??

Well, actually, I think the nesting phase might officially be over as of this week.  The items left on my "to do" list no longer seem important - I simply don't have the desire to do them.  Today, I'm content keeping up with the kids' schoolwork, laundry, meals, and keeping the house generally tidy.  We have limited outside obligations, and we are all awaiting Baby's arrival.

On Thursday, my wonderful midwife arrived with the birthing tub (yes, we plan to have a waterbirth) and the remainder of items I needed for my birthing kit.  I can't tell you how excited I was!!  I had already brown-bagged and sterilized necessary labor/delivery items and had all the necessary items ready for Baby.  So, when the tub and birth kit items arrived, it brought me to the point of "This is going to happen...and I think I'm physically prepared!!"

Now to get myself prepared emotionally and mentally...

So, here I am, at 37 weeks (considered full term), and I'm excited and anxious all at the same time... 

If ONE. MORE. PERSON. says something to me like, "Oh, you should have this birthing thing down by now.  It's easy after 8, right?"...I might blow a gasket.  Biologically speaking, labor and delivery still require contractions, dilation, and pushing!  It still requires a tremendous amount of work and concentration.  The baby doesn't just jog out of my womb because I've had "lots of other births!"

So, yeah, I admit, I've been running scenarios through my brain.  I've been rereading books on relaxation techniques and considering the pain that is sure to come.  I've been praying and reading scriptures about fear.  Because, as much as I hate to admit it, I always seem to have some level of fear at this point.  Fear of pain, fear of baby's health,  fear that I won't be able to have the strength it takes, fear that I've forgotten to prepare somehow, etc....

As I visited with my midwife this past week, she took the time to listen to my fears and answer my questions.  (That's the neatest thing about hiring a midwife - she sits in my home, speaks kindly to my children, encourages me, and really listens to me.  She never seems to be in a hurry, although I am quite sure her life does not revolve around me.) She exuded a confidence and an understanding that 22+ years of midwifery experience has given her...

And, then, Susan held my hands and prayed with me...a sweet, soothing, earnest prayer for God's provisions, His protection, His removing my fears, His glory and His love to be known in and through our family.

Her prayer was balm for my soul that day and has given me strength for the task ahead.

So, I probably won't be writing anymore about preparing for Baby...my next post about Baby will include a picture of the little guy/gal!!  (not an ultrasound one!)

We don't know the gender, so we're all excited about the surprise it will be.  We took a vote, and the tally of girls:boys vote ratio is 4:6.  We shall see!!

(I thought I might write a post on why we chose midwifery and homebirth after having 7 hospital births with wonderful OB/GYNs, but I'm just guessing that one's gonna have to wait...)