I NEED AT LEAST FOUR OF ME!

After a crazy, busy weekend, and 14 things running through my mind that NEED to be finished this week, I've come to the realization that I NEED AT LEAST FOUR OF ME!

I'm having a little trouble balancing things.  I have:

1.  A husband that needs a wife to love and cherish him...

2.  Eight children that all need something constantly... (5 of whom I am currently the primary person responsible for their formal education)

3.  A family member that doesn't understand NOT to call at 10:15 on a Monday morning b/c I AM TRYING TO HOMESCHOOL...(and, when I don't answer my cell phone (there's a reason), that doesn't mean you call the house phone to disrupt the kids, too!)

4.  Friends I am burdened to pray for and who need to know that I really do care...

5.  Church ministries that need attending to...

6.  A small home-based business to maintain...

7.  Laundry, laundry, laundry...an endless mound of laundry...

8.  3 meals/day to plan, prepare, and cook - for a family of  10...(Actually my hubby gets breakfast, so I can't take credit for that one.  Have I mentioned I love my man?)

9.  Children's clothes to sort for the upcoming season...

The list feels overwhelming today.  Like I have a jar of marbles spinning randomly in my head and I just need to get them spinning in sync so I can start knocking them out one by one.

Some days aren't like this...but many days are.  I literally never stop.  Even when I try, my mind is going over all the things I should be doing!  I wonder why God has entrusted me with this life. 

Doesn't He know that I'm not as calm as I want to be? 

Doesn't He see how disorganized I'm becoming?  (When I was younger, I didn't misplace things...now it happens all the time!)

Doesn't He know how much I want to sit and just snuggle with my little ones before they are grown?

I know, I know...

I CHOSE this life.  I CHOSE to have a "whole baseball team of children".  I CHOSE to be obedient to God's calling on my life.

If a woman with 2 children complains about how hectic life "with 2" is, society considers it acceptable.  If a woman with 8 children complains about how hectic life "with 8" is, society considers it a result of a "lack of responsible use of birth control." 

So, I often feel like I'm supposed to smile and talk about how wonderful everything is. 

How the kids never argue and always help, how my newest made-up casserole recipe isn't a disgusting flop, how my closets and drawers always stay neat and tidy....how I never lose my temper and always talk in quiet tones (b/c children really do listen better when we whisper), how our latest homeschool project is encouraging my children to pursue a successful career in astrophysics...

You get the picture.

The truth is, I don't mind working hard.  I love being a wife.  I love being a mother to many.  I love homeschooling.  I don't really mind laundry so much, either.  I like to organize.  I love my friends and ministering to others.  Cooking is okay, too. (Except I get tired of my own cooking, and Gregg cooks better than me. He always disagrees, but I know better :) )

So, I guess today is just one of those days...and I wanted to share it.  Because I read a few blogs and they sometimes depress me.  They have beautiful profile pictures, perfect children, handmade curtains in every room, the latest homeschool project/trip to share, Godly wisdom, perfect photography - life is so good there. 

Life isn't always good here.  I get frustrated.  I doubt my decisions.  I wonder "What in the world was I thinking??"  I think, "I want to get in the van and ride away for a day or two - BY MYSELF."

I don't have it all together...and it frustrates me!  I lose my temper when my very strong-willed 6 year old has pushed every one of my buttons - at least 3 times - by 9am!  I hide in the bathroom and cry.  I ask God "why?" 

And, then He reminds me that I don't really need four of me after all.  I only need one of me...and one of Him.

Now, if I would just remember that...listen...and trust Him.

Easier said than done.

In the meantime...anybody know a lonely widow who is looking for a crazy woman with 8 kids to visit on occasion?  A lady who would genuinely love to sit down and read books to my kids.  A lady who might actually LIKE being a regular part of my insane life?  Who would instinctively look around and know exactly what I need her to do?

I'm taking resumes...for an older, and much wiser, version of me...

Someone who will work for 2 yr. old hugs, and 1 yr. old wiggles and giggles, and sharing dreams with a  14 year old.

Know any takers?

And I Needed That

God did something kinda neat this past Thursday.

We were able to buy a "new" table for our kitchen! 

Our current one was over 35 years old, rickety, and we refer to the 4 remaining chairs as "the chairs of faith", b/c you aren't really sure how much longer they might hold you up!!  They've been glued, nailed, and repaired in unsightly ways over the past few years. 

The other 2 original chairs had been deemed "unrepairable" which, if you know our family personally, is a pretty big statement!

We use it mostly for schoolwork or snack times, but as our family has expanded, and we have friends over, we were needing something a little better.

I mean, who wants your guests collapsing on the floor onto a pile of chair parts??

Not me.

So, I found this great table on Craigslist for just $75. Good condition, sturdy, 6 chairs. Needed a little paint here and there, but I love it! 

Finishing up painting all the "white parts"

 

 

The new table set up in our kitchen

But, you know the neatest thing about purchasing the table??

When I showed up to get it, this husband and wife were relocating to another state. They had most of their things packed already, except a handmade, wooden cross that hung on the wall. When I commented on it, the man told me that he had made it himself and insisted that I take it with me.

Tommy is a believer, and it's always amazing to me how a person you've never met can connect with you instantly b/c you share the same belief in Jesus Christ.

The cross is rustic - just a couple of beat up 1 x 4 boards stained and glued together. But, I couldn't get over this overwhelming feeling that God was trying to remind me just how much He loves me.

And I needed that.

 

Cross hung on the wall in the den

 

 

"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so..." AND because He keeps sending me these little reminders along life's journey

 

 

Things He has laid on my heart and mind...

I'm working on writing some shorter posts...for several reasons:

A.  I don't have much time to write, but writing a little might be better than nothing at all.

B.  I don't want anyone to stop reading at the start of the 2nd paragraph.

C.  I think sometimes, saying things briefly can have a bigger impact.

But...this is hard for me.  I have this terrible habit - the NEED to explain myself!

Trying to get over that.   We'll see how it goes - hahaha!

So, here's just a few things that God has hit me with this week.  Things He has laid on my heart and mind...

1.  God loves me more than I can ever imagine, and, BECAUSE He loves me, He will discipline me.  It will hurt.  It's supposed to hurt.  Otherwise, I might not change my course in life.  For this, He is to be loved, adored, and feared (as in a form of awe).

2.  There are a million and one opportunities to minister and meet the needs of those around me.  It's impossible to meet them all!  Sometimes I feel guilty for this.  So, I must seek God's wisdom and let Him guide me to the opportunities where He wants to use me.  And, I need to be content meeting those specific needs.  Otherwise, it's just me on my own, seeking my own glory, instead of His.  And I don't want that.

3.  Deep down, I am a selfish woman.  God has been trying to refine me of my selfishness for years.  He has been heating me up, exposing me to extremes, and removing the dross...only to see still more impurities there to purge.  Selfishness keeps floating to the top - over and over - and He continues to refine me - over and over.  Too often, it's all about ME, when it really should be all about HIM.  I'm hoping, one day, He'll scrape the last bit of selfishness off as dross.

What has He laid on YOUR heart this week?  I'd love to hear what He's been up to where you are!