And, I really wanted to keep those vacation posts in order...
But, there have been a few things I've wanted to document about my life the past couple of weeks.
If I stick to my initial thought - "Finish up the vacation blogs...then you can write about something different"...well, I may get so discouraged with myself that I'll quit writing altogether. (I've been known to take similar actions in the past. Urrghhh!)
So, I wanted to share briefly about a very special gift I received this past weekend. It was from a friend who claims she isn't "very crafty", but I totally disagree!
It was a handwritten prayer given to me on the one month anniversary of our Sweet Baby officially passing from this world to his/her rightful place in heaven. Only another mother who has grieved can understand the process and share the depth of pain. My friend has felt the pain, endured the process, and given God the glory all along the way.
I knew she put a lot of time into this gift - and she's a very busy lady! When she gave it to me, I knew I couldn't read it right then and there. It was special, and I knew I would cry. I wanted to be where I could weep without someone looking at me. So, I read it as soon I got in my van.
And I had a sweet, cleansing cry. How perfectly it expressed my feelings and thoughts!!
MY HEART IS BROKEN. I AM DISAPPOINTED...CONFUSED.
MY MIND CANNOT COMPREHEND WHY YOU WOULD BRING LIFE
TO MY BODY ONLY TO QUICKLY TAKE IT AWAY.
BUT I KNOW THAT YOUR WAYS ARE HIGHER THAN MINE,
AND I MUST REST IN THAT TRUTH.
I ASK YOU TO COME NOW AND COVER ME WITH YOUR PEACE
AS I GRIEVE THIS LOSS.
GIVE ME HOPE, LORD, THAT YOU WILL HEAL MY BODY AND HEART.
GIVE ME WISDOM TO KNOW WHAT STEPS TO TAKE NEXT
AND GIVE ME STRENGTH TO TAKE THEM.
I ADMIT, LORD, THAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR WAYS,
BUT I TRUST YOUR HEART...
AND SO I LEAVE MINE IN YOUR HEALING HANDS.
I think she was a little unsure about giving it to me, b/c she said, "I'm not sure what you're going to do with this, but I wanted to give it to you anyway."
My dear friend, I know what I'm going to do with this...I'm going to CHERISH it always. It's exactly what my heart has wanted to say to God, but I didn't know quite how to put it into words.
Thank you, God, for showing me just how your Holy Spirit can intercede for us.
And, thank you for an unexpected gift.